I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
