I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
