You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
