i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
