Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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