She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
