I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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