kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
