does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
