she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
