Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
