Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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