Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
