I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
