Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
