I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
