The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
