I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
