After last night, I could never be a politician.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
