For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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