so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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