Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize