He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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