where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
