im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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