I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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