Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
