When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
