I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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