No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
