if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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