the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
