I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
