And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
