She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
whose ass print is on the piano?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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