I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
