i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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