why didn't you poke me back
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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