i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
