I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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