Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
