i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
