my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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