You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
