why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
