guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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