I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
