Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
