I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
bring money and cleavage
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
