Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
