She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
