people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
