im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
