She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
