I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
