the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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