I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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