is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
