What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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