I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
