I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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