just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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