and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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