I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
