You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
