the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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