So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
