so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
