I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
