yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
